Chinese stimulator 'jiggles' breasts into enlargement

The only thing worse than the Chinese cranking out knock-offs of official gadgets is when they invent even stupider ones themselves — and people actually buy them. Take this breast enlargement stimulator. How many desperate women will fall victim to its claims?

Top Charming's breast stimulator is a vibrator that can supposedly massage a woman's breasts into becoming larger. The infomercial tells customers to kick those natural supplements to the curb, because apparently a woman can grow two cup sizes just from a little motorized action.

This dumb invention is truly a mark of China hitting its stride — praying on the insecurities of others. Women who aren't endowed should know that while larger size is good, it's not the be-all end-all. Appreciate what you have.

But I like mine flat.

Ya I'm sure you do.

Flat is the only way to go.

Makes sense that you would like them flat.

What are you suggesting there?

I think we all know what I am suggesting.

Please elaborate, my good sir.

What's there to elaborate, it's pretty clear.

You gormless tosser!

I deal with enough Brit lingo around here, I don't need you to start.

Bloody Brits.

Bog off, you wanker.

Well allow me to retort.

Ill tear you a new asshole.

Nob off, you tosspot!

Ive never heard tosspot before. Are you sure that is British?

You daft bell end.

Affirmative.

*Jiggling around*

I'm pretty sure you need to be of the female specimen for the stimulator to work.

Are you certain about that? Do I absolutely need to be a certain sex to enjoy such stimulation?

I guess that depends on what you intend on stimulating. I really don't like where this is going.

That's what you say.

That is what I say.

...smeghead.

That is unpleasant.